News and Tribune


May 21, 2013

BEAM: Lama, lama, tries to teach mama


But truthfully, that’s what anyone who remotely has anything to do with him calls him. Like Madonna picking up a haughty British accent, I too began assimilating. People have noticed my change in speech and like to tease me about it. In their next life, they will be reincarnated as a slug. To this, I am certain. 

Being in the presence of His Holiness is a treat. Happiness permeates his being. His laugh starts deep in his belly and explodes from his lips, like a bald-headed Santa on Christmas Eve. He’s the type of guy you want to grab a beer with, which is ironic since he doesn’t drink alcohol. Enough caffeinated green tea might provide the same effect. 

For a man who was kicked out of his country by the Chinese government, the spiritual guru is pretty darn peaceful, even when drinking his tea. Most Americans can’t fathom this tranquility. A person cut me off on the bridge coming over today. In response, I shook my fist, screamed some four-letter words and threatened to throat punch them.

After this session, calmness will have entered my soul. Thoughts must cross my mind like clouds floating across a clear blue sky. Deep breaths will …  wait a second. Would someone please tell this moronic photographer to stop blocking my serene view of His Holiness before I perform a Sean Penn paparazzi karate kick on his credentialed rear? 

OK, OK. One hour in and still I haven’t found enlightenment. Heck, I’ve barely found a bathroom. But if Carl Spackler got total consciousness in “Caddyshack,” surely a small spark of awareness will find its way to me through these teachings. 

Just in case, I wonder if Richard Gere takes on any students?


— Amanda Beam is a Floyd County resident and Jeffersonville native. Contact her by email at

Text Only | Photo Reprints
Easter 2014 photos

Click on any photo to purchase it.

Twitter Updates
Follow us on twitter
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
AP Video
Raw: Lawmakers Scuffle in Ukraine's Parliament The Rock Finds His Inner 'Hercules' Michigan Plant's Goal: Flower and Die Raw: MH17 Passenger Remains in Kharkiv, Ukraine Raw: Israel Hits Gaza Targets, Destroys Mosques ShowBiz Minute: Hoffman, Oberst, Box Office WWII Vet Gets Medals, 70 Years Late Raw: Israel Bombs Multiple Targets in Gaza Veteran Creates Job During High Unemployment Raw: Cargo Craft Undocks From Space Station Widow: Jury Sent Big Tobacco a $23B Message New Orleans Plans to Recycle Cigarette Butts UN Security Council Calls for MH 17 Crash Probe Obama Bestows Medal of Honor on NH Veteran Texas Sending National Guard Troops to Border Hopkins to Pay $190M After Pelvic Exams Taped Foxx Cites Washington 'Circus Mirror' NASA Ceremony Honors Moon Walker Neil Armstrong
2013 Photos of the year

Take a look at our most memorable photos from 2013.