By LINDON DODD
It’s that time of year for the tassels to be turned and for the caps to be tossed into the air. And since nobody has ever asked me to deliver a commencement address, it’s also time for my annual (although I took last year off for some unknown reason) unsolicited advice to the graduates column.
Here’s what I have for you graduates:
• The last bite of ice cream is never as completely satisfying as the very first bite.
• Anyone can learn to teach but some people are born to be teachers.
• You will never learn everything that you don’t know.
• There’s no such thing as good music or bad music — there’s only music you like and music you don’t like.
• Sometimes you have to talk ignorant to be understood.
• Almost anything that you take for granted will eventually be gone.
• The only thing you can’t be in life is young again.
• The other guy is just like you.
• Having sex without love is like committing a crime where the possible repercussion is from 15 seconds to life.
• It has been determined that you are going to die but only you will determine how much you will live.
• Life is a routine of the ordinary occasionally interrupted by the extraordinary.
• It’s not as hard as you think but you can make it much harder.
• The vast and overwhelming problems in life are man made.
• Whatever you do to that makes today enjoyable will be your future good old days.
• You can see a whole lot of God in a waterfall.
• Politics is stranger than truth or fiction.
• Lust is to love as dessert is to nutrition.
• It’s almost impossible to teach someone how to whistle.
• Don’t ever expect a very young child to lie or keep a secret.
• Life is not fair today nor will it be tomorrow or next week.
• You’re not a banjo player unless you can play “Foggy Mountain Breakdown!”
• Some of the most difficult parenting times can be made simpler with a hug, a kiss and cookies and milk.
• There was never a test that could accurately determine the amount of knowledge one has acquired in school or in life.
• When someone asks “How are you?” there’s a better chance than not that it was a rhetorical question.
• When used in its proper context, if someone says you are ignorant about something it is neither an insult nor a compliment.
• It was a businessman who gave us the bakery and doughnuts. It was a marketing genius who sold us doughnuts holes.
• There is very little absolute truth but life is plum full of absolute lies.
• You will never be the smartest or the dumbest person you know.
• There is very little reward in life for just showing up.
• No drug has ever circulated that makes life go away for long — but there are some that can make it go away for good.
• I have never had an elderly person tell me their life went by so slow.
• There really is a lot to learn.
• Even the people whom you respect and trust the most can upon occasion be wrong.
• You will never be as wrong as some people will lead you to believe nor as right as you will believe you are.
• Before you can forgive others you have to be able to forgive yourself.
• If you ever had two best friends, you should understand politics.
• The best way to get even is simply to let it go.
• There is every possibility that you probably will not at first succeed. It’s called WD-40 because it was the 40th attempt in the lab to have a successful lubricant.
• You can discount almost anything that is prefaced by the words, “Somebody said.”
• To be afraid to die is to also mean being afraid to live.
• For somebody, the impossible happens almost every day.
• Most of the times when you feel a sudden urge you should ignore it.
• The very best moment in life can never be expressed better than with a baby’s laughter.
• You can make the world you experience as large or as small as you want it to be.
• Everybody likes to be around a pleasant person.
• A sense of humor is an essential element to making sense of any of it.
• If you have to figure out love then you are not in it.
• Life is a game of chance. Take as many chances as you can.
• Death is life’s final exam.
— Lindon Dodd is a freelance writer who can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org