News and Tribune


December 8, 2012

DODD: Annual holiday parade rolls by


Moore — “Sounds like the Moron Tabernacle Choir (chuckle, chuckle)! And they got a new superintendent to run things his way. What is his name?”

Lindon — “It’s Dr. Andrew Melin. He claims it was solely him who decided to transfer Jim Sexton from Jeffersonville High School.

Moore — “I know. I hope after a couple of years dealing with our school board they aren’t calling him Dr. Marshmelin, (laughter)!”

Lindon — “That was witty, sir. You really toasted him on that one. I hope you have “Smore” of those one-liners. The Super Majority certainly have exercised their voting power in the last year. Speaking of power, how’s that mayor thing going for you?”

Moore — “It’s like magic. I want something done and I just do it. Hey, I like that. From now on you can call me Magic Mike!”

Lindon — “Mayor, I’m not sure that’s an appropriate nickname, what with the Matthew McConaughey movie and all, er, uh, never mind. Coming into view is a float that looks like a large pair of pants. I can make out the letters, it’s the Deep Pockets Float and it’s co-sponsored by local attorneys Steve Voelker and Larry Wilder. I guess those guys have made a few dollars in the last couple of years with lawsuits against local municipalities. I don’t suspect any, cough, uhhh, demonstration in front of a certain attorney’s office might have come with repercussions.”

Moore — “As mayor, you learn that lawsuits are just part of the business as usual.”

Lindon — “Funny, but I don’t recall any demonstrations outside of Steve Voelker’s office this past year? By the way, what’s that book you brought with you?”

Moore — “I’m glad you asked. You know we have started a new no-kill policy at the J.B. Ogle Animal Shelter and this is a book we have published to raise funds which explains the problem with overpopulation of unwanted cats and dogs and the need for spaying and neutering.”

Lindon — What’s it called?”

Moore — “I came up with the title, “Fifty Shades of Stray!”

Lindon — “That’s very clever and topical, sir. Coming just into view we have a decorated entry resembling an ‘Alice In  Wonderland’ theme. It’s the Clark County Tea Party float. And I think I recognize the Mad Hatter. That’s the newly elected county council person, Republican (cough, cough) and Tea Party president Kelly Khuri.”

Moore — “I think I would consider joining the Tea Party under the right conditions.”

Lindon — “I can see where any member of the Democratic Party would agree to that being a possibility for the next election season. I see moving past us is a pretty plain entry. It looks like just am empty, undecorated flatbed trailer being pulled by a truck. I’ve just been handed a note that this was supposed to be the Exit 0 — Salute to the Homeless float. It seems that their decorating materials came up missing right during the Christmas season. Some people never seem to get a break.

“Well, it’s the moment the children have been waiting for as the Santa float is quickly approaching. Those rosy cheeks, that little round body and those eyes — yes, it is, its former Mayor Tom Galligan sitting in the sleigh. And who is that bearded oversized elf beside him? I would have never thought it possible but that’s Mike Hutt throwing candy canes from Santa Galligan to the crowd. They say politics makes strange bedfellows. I wonder if that means we haven’t seen the last of old Tommy G.

“Uh, Mayor, what’s with the skin-tight Spanx pants?”

Moore — “Sorry, Lindon, but I have to rush off to my afternoon Zumba class.”

Lindon — “Oh, well, this is Lindon Dodd along with your mayor, er, ah, ‘Magic Mike’ Moore wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season. Mayor, can you turn down the volume, hey, wait a minute, I recognize that song. Mayor Moore has the whole crowd dancing along with him to that You Tube hit sensation, ‘Gagnum Style!’”

Moore — (overheard to supporters in the crowd)  — “OK, everybody, hands together and feet moving!”

Lindon — “(breathlessly) That’s (panting) all there is from Court Avenue for the 2012 Christmas Parade crew. Here’s from my household to yours wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years!”

— Lindon Dodd is a freelance writer who can be reached at

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