Published: December 23, 2006 01:10 pm            

The Extra Milers: Jay Crutchers

“The greater part of our happiness depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.” — Martha Washington

  Jazzercise owner, Angie Maxwell, called me up after class a few weeks ago. Fearing my shimmy and shake might be getting out of hand, I was relieved to hear that she wanted to recommend a focus person for the extra miler column. Angie then turned to a young man sitting a few feet away, “Jay, could you roll over here for a minute?” Jay Crutchers, waiting for his personal trainer session, promptly came over to be introduced. It took less than a minute to know Jay was an extra miler. At the conclusion of that conversation, Jay told me he was always glad to make a new friend. Within those brief moments, I knew his words were sincere.

When you first meet Jay, you can’t miss the fact that he uses a wheelchair to get around. However, when you see his quick smile, gentle eyes, and hear him speak about the need for people to really care about one another, the chair simply disappears. As Jay puts it, “Walking is really over-rated.”

Jay turns 40 years old this year, but has no intention of throwing a pity party to grieve this milestone year. You see, Jay only celebrates life. Living life to the fullest is Jay’s way of dealing with daily highs and lows. This eternal optimist keeps a cheerful disposition despite the fact that he has osteogenesis imperfecta (OI), commonly known as brittle bone disorder. This disorder is characterized by bones that break easily, often from little or no apparent cause. A person with OI may break a rib while coughing or an arm by rolling over in their sleep. Jay is rarely without pain and has had more than 200 broken bones. When he was 6 years old he began using a wheelchair. He has never regretted any part of his life and has devoted himself to helping others who are ill or depressed with what life has handed to them. This is where Angie comes back into the picture. Jay watched her on the Jazzercise television show and thought there was something very special about Angie, “I listened and heard compassion and goodness in her words and voice. I wanted to meet this special person and felt she might be able to help me strengthen my muscles and also my mind.” Angie and Jay formed a friendship and continue to learn from one another. Angie has witnessed Jay’s caring heart and acts of kindness on several occasions. “Jay has this rare bone disorder and yet he feels blessed,” Angie stated. “He feels his condition has made him a stronger, humble and more caring person and he is probably right.” Soon after meeting Angie, Jay listened as she discussed family friends who have a young daughter living with Muscular Sclerosis. Jay went home that day and immediately sent in a donation to the MS Society to continue research into this disease. Angie indicates he donates all he can to medical research and charities, with the hope of easing the pain of others.

After several conversations and e-mails, I was a recipient of Jay’s concern for others. Upon hearing that my mother, who lives out of state, had been diagnosed with a compound fracture of the spine, Jay offered assistance and advice. His advice was, “Your mom will feel isolated and lonely since she will be in constant pain and not able to move and get around easily. You need to be there for her emotionally.” Based upon his recommendation, I began really listening to my mother and Jay was right on target. Then Jay did what he does best. He offered to help in any way he could – including an offer to speak with my mother to help her get through this difficult time. Jay’s empathy for the pain of others is stronger than most. He seems to survive best when he is helping others.

I asked Jay how it makes him feel when he goes that extra mile for another person. Jay responded, “I feel great. I feel very protective and compassionate about people who are in pain. I just want others to be happy and feel good. We were put on this planet to care for one another and that is what I try to do.”

Jay sent this Dalai Lama quote to express how he feels about life, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” There is something evident in every person I’ve interviewed for The Extra Miler column ... they do not see themselves as particularly special or unique and they typically try to pawn off the praise to others, as Jay did to Angie. While Jay Crutcher’s bones may be easily broken, his spirit is indestructible. He is our Clark County extra miler.

KINDNESS TIP OF THE MONTH: I believe kindness lives in everyone and the earlier we tap into that part of our lives, the better. Let’s start with our youngest extra milers – our children. Give your children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews a small amount of money – a dollar will do – and ask them to use it to do something nice for another person ... encourage creativity. Ask them to tell you how the act of kindness made them feel. Encourage our children to be extra milers by being the best example of one. What would Jay say? JUST GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!

Extra Miler Update : Last month I introduced you to 6 year old Nicholaus VanArsdale and his extra miler friends. He now has some new friends. After the column was read by Liz Wilson, owner of Liz at Home, she offered to help decorate Nicholas’s “big boy” room. Although delighted by the generous offer, the family had already completed the room when the column ran. When Taco Bell’s 10th Street manager, Paul Stachowicz, read that Nicholas’s favorite restaurant is Taco Bell, he called to give Nicholaus a free quesadilla every week for the rest of his life! I am already picturing Nicholaus, as a teenager, running into the store with his friends to get his free quesadilla. Thanks to these businesses that are going the extra mile.

Carol A. Dawson is a resident of Jeffersonville and President of a national training and consulting company, EEO Guidance, Inc . If you have seen or been a part of an act of kindness or know an extra miler, let us know about it. To submit a story or act of kindness, contact Carol via email: Extra.Milers@newsandtribune.com or send mail to: The Extra Milers, The Evening News, 221 Spring St., Jeffersonville, IN 47130-3340.

        

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