Published: August 10, 2008 01:21 am            

MOD MOM: Kids will be kids; maybe just not like yours

A few months back I was blissfully preparing my daughter’s first birthday cake. Even though it required buying special baking tools and two days of preparation with my newly mobile daughter underfoot, I couldn’t have been happier as I reflected on our first year together.

Then, it happened. My little darling threw her first, all-out, fist-banging-on-the-floor, screaming bloody murder with not a tear being shed, momma-how-dare-you-leave-my-sight-and-go-pee, fit I’d ever seen.

And there it was. The honeymoon, I realized, was over.

How had my sweet-natured, ever-smiling bundle of joy suddenly turned into ... well, a toddler? All those books I spent months reading said this wasn’t supposed to happen yet. Liars!

Fortunately, the fits so far have been short-lived, few and far between. Nonetheless, I’ve begun to wonder, could I have the ‘bad kid’?

I don’t exactly know how to define a bad kid, as all toddlers are allowed certain expected toddlerisms, but I certainly know it when I see it. That is, I wonder, unless I don’t.

I brought up the topic with some of my playgroup friends the other day. We talked about how all children are different, everyone doubts their parenting skills, and my fellow mommies frequently uttered the stressed-out parents’ mantra: ‘it’s just a stage.’

Then one mom pointed out that Ava is just ‘active’. I hear that a lot. Is that a good thing, or just a subtle way to tell me to reign in my little terror? Actually, most people tell me how well behaved my little girl is, but then again, no one is going to tell you if you’ve got the bad kid now are they?

Another mom remarked she was glad Ava, a child “with the same personality” as her little one, was at an event. It seems many of the other girls their age are somewhat reluctant to attempt headstands at the top of the stairs or climb as high as possible on anything they can get a foothold on.

Is that another sign? Do the “bad kid” moms need to stick together? Another “active” boy pushed Ava down recently. She looked at him oddly, got up, pushed him out of the way and went about her business. The boy’s mother, apologetic and appalled, was shocked that Ava didn’t cry. I’ve become to realize not much in the form of rough and tumble play will make her cry. As long as I don’t leave the room.

The babies in my care had previously been mostly boys, and I expected a little more of that “active” syndrome from them (thank you sexism!). My niece’s toddler years only reinforced that mistaken idea. She spoke softly and sweetly, tossing her long hair as she skipped down the sidewalk. She could sit patiently for hours to read and color. That, I thought, was how little girls behaved.

Apparently not. Just like everyone had told me, every child really is different.

The funny thing is, I get a secret satisfaction (and terror in my belly) when Ava tackles the tallest slide and races down on her belly, paying little attention to her peers picking flowers near by.

I also take every opportunity I can to put her in pink dresses with matching bows and purses — ‘cause I know very soon she’ll be dressing herself and if she doesn’t like pink, I can guarantee she won’t be wearing it.

In the end, I don’t really think I have the bad kid, or if there even is such a thing.

But if I do, don’t tell me.



Lisa Hurt Kozarovich is a freelance journalist and mother. She can be reached via e-mail at Lisakozar@hotmail.com.

        

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