Published: November 28, 2008 01:21 pm      

Experts in Southern Indiana offer tips to help simplify, calm down during the holiday season

Help for the holidays

’Tis the season for family, friends and togetherness.

But if visions of cooking, shopping, cleaning, decorating and more are dancing in your head, it may be time to simplify.

Ways to simplify include using candles for lighting — which hide dust and dirt — going for paper plates — rather than doing dishes — and decorating only the main room, according to Debi Minnich, director of organizational and community development for Floyd Memorial Hospital and Health Services in New Albany.

“Try to simplify things. It doesn’t have to be the perfect holiday like the media portrays,” Minnich said, referring to movies and magazine articles. “You don’t need a tree in every room. Focus on one area to decorate. And lower the lighting and use candlelight and close off other rooms, other than the kitchen, living area and restroom. Clean only those areas that guests will be in.”

Another way to ease the duties is to enlist the help of others, Minnich said.

“We are a society where women tend to feel like they have to do everything,” she said. “You don’t have to do everything. Delegate and ask people to bring a dish and assign it to them. It helps everyone participate.”

She also said people can cut back on shopping stress by starting early, like after Christmas. She said she shops all year and is done in the early fall.

To keep it all organized, she keeps a notebook in her car with details on what she bought, who it is for and receipts. Another way to alleviate stress is to shop online and avoid lines at the stores.

Minnich said a way to save this year is to forgo expensive wrapping paper, which will be torn off in seconds, for more creative, less expensive ideas. She said to try wrapping children’s gifts in comics from the newspaper, travel gifts in old maps and let kids decorate butcher paper for an original design.

Recently Minnich hosted a class on holiday tips for women feeling stressed. She said she’s learned her lessons through trial and error over the years. Minnich said it’s important that through all the stress, people keep in mind the meaning of the season.

“If you enjoy, truly enjoy, decorating six trees, then do it. If it stresses you out and you feel like you have a deadline and you dread putting it all up and taking it all down, then why are you doing it?” Minnich asked. “The holidays are to be spent on friends and family and not on things. It’s about the people and not the stuff.”



• Rolling with the hard questions

Having lots of different people with different personalities in one room can cause some clashing, but there are ways to deal, said Mark Pruitt, manager of therapy services for Clark Memorial Hospital.

Pruitt advises that people not bring up the topics that commonly cause conflict, such as personal issues, religion and politics.

“If they do come up, the most important thing to remember is not to try to change people and try to continue to look for the good in that person even though your views may be much different,” he said.

Krystal Angevine, president and senior therapist at the Biofeedback Counseling Center in New Albany offered advice for answering those hard questions.

“Respond to the intent of the question rather than the content. Assume that the intent of the question is that the person cares about you and is interested in your life. Then, respond to the intent: ‘Thank you for asking, I appreciate your interest in me, and I know you want the best for me. I am not making any major decisions about (fill in blank) right now. I will keep you posted,’” Angevine said. “Then, you can ask a question about the other person to take the spotlight off of you.”

She also gave tips to those who face people giving advice with a should, such as you should get married or should have a baby. Angevine said to again, answer to the intent of the comment.

“Thank you for your advice. I know that you love children, and that has been an important part of your life, and you want those good things for me. I really appreciate your caring about me. Don’t worry, I am fine now, and I have faith that things will unfold for the best,” Angevine said as an example response.



• Getting rid of stress

Pruitt said there is one good way to avoid stress: Plan.

“There are going to be certain situations ... that are going to cause you some distress,” he said. “You can actually plan your response ahead of time.”

Pruitt said people need to have a practice run by closing their eyes, visualizing the situation and preparing a reaction to the question.

He also said deep breathing, especially if it’s a year-long habit, can go a long way in relieving stress and anxiety. Another way to cope is to not “overdo it” on sweets or alcohol, which can make it harder to deal with stress, Pruitt said. He added sticking to an exercise routine and finding alone time to manage thoughts also helps.

Pruitt said planning can also help in another way.

“Surround yourself as much as possible with people you like and get along with, even if it’s for part of the time,” he said. “If you know your family is going to be difficult, plan to get [together]... with people with the same views and beliefs who support you the day after.”



Simplify the holidays

1. Focus on one area to decorate: You don’t need a tree in every room or decorations for that matter. Only decorate the main living area where guests will be.

2. Use candlelight: Not only does it give a nice atmosphere, it also hides all kinds of dirt and dust, eliminating a

last-minute deep clean.

3. Shut off rooms: Close rooms off that guests don’t need and only clean those they will use, such as the kitchen, living area and bathroom.

4. Use paper plates: It’s more Earth friendly than Styrofoam and it can come in fun colors for the holidays. This helps to avoid doing dishes later.

5. Use summer tools: Use your grill to keep food warm or to cook when you are out of room in the kitchen. Also, put your cooler outside with drinks to save room in the refrigerator.

— Debi Minnich, director of organizational and community development for Floyd Memorial Hospital and Health Services



Removing stress from the holidays

1. Take some time for slow breathing and muscle relaxation throughout the day. Slow down the pace of your walking.

2. Think about past holidays. What issues arose during those holidays? By thinking back on any difficulties experienced during past holidays, you can better understand, help and support yourself this year.

3. If searching for the perfect gift has left you frustrated and shopping at the last minute in the past, try to select that gift first this year. Remember a gift is always far more humble and far smaller than the person to whom it is given.

4. The Chinese have a wonderful custom of giving a gift with both hands. This way of offering a gift is a nonverbal way of saying that the receiver of the gift is honored. When giving your humble gift, offer it with both hands and look the person in the eye.

5. Go inside and provide nurturing for the parts of you that may feel anxiety, grief or disappointment over the holidays. As you are nurturing yourself, remember those around the world who are feeling similar feelings. Send compassion from your heart to them. In this way you can expand your connectedness.

6. Use a calendar and map out a plan of what needs to be accomplished and when. This plan will help you keep track of what needs to be done and will help to keep your anxiety and worries down.

7. Then, appreciate each moment. Find a little bit of joy in the wind, someone’s smile or the twinkling lights. This moment is your life, appreciate and live it.

— Krystal Angevine, president, senior therapist at the Biofeedback Counseling Center, in New Albany