Published: November 28, 2009 03:15 pm      

DODD: Dodd ‘hosts’ annual Christmas Parade

Lindon: “Good afternoon ladies and gentleman and welcome to the 2009 Annual Jeffersonville Christmas Parade on a brisk day on Court Avenue. My name is Lindon Dodd and I will be your host. I haven’t been given any kind of lineup, so I will be describing the floats as they come by my reviewing stand.

“I see my co-host making his way onto the platform. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I would like to welcome a man who is a community activist; a one-man crusader for truth and transparency in politics, co-founder of the Clark County Chatter Web site and some would say the conspiracy theorist known as Not Super But Honest Mike (NSBHM).”

NSBHM: “Lindon, thanks for having me out here on Tom Galligan Propaganda Day.”

Lindon: “Mike, you are as sharp-tongued as ever. It’s a pleasure to have you and your running commentary. Our first entry is coming into view. It’s Indiana Superintendent of Public Instruction Dr. Tony Bennett returning to his home roots to join this year’s parade lineup. It looks like he is all dressed up as Dr. Harold Hill trying to sell his education reform.

“He’s about to sing — “Yes, we got trouble. Right here in River City. With a capital T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for pass. The teacher’s union and the bureaucracy can kiss my ...”

“I guess that float got out of range just in time for our live broadcast.”

NSBHM:“I think Dr. Bennett is going to do for the teachers union what President Reagan did for air traffic controllers.”

Lindon: “Spoken like a lifelong union man. It looks like a group of bicyclists is coming at us. Yes, and it’s being led by Dr. Steven Daeschner, superintendent of Greater Clark County Schools, on a bicycle built for two with protégé Travis Haire peddling perfectly in sync, although looking suspiciously uncomfortable in that form-fitting biking outfit.

“Trailing behind are the entire school board. It looks like they are having trouble following the yellow center line behind the superintendent.”

NSBHM: “I guess that’s why they still have their training wheels attached to the bikes.”

Lindon: “Dr. Daeschner has made quite an impression on the community. I hear various nicknames for him, like Dr. Data, Dr. $’s, Dr. Dreaducation, Dr. Doom and Dr. D-day! He is surely making changes for Greater Clark.

“Look, there’s Dale Orem walking alongside with a blindfold on and carrying a large bucket to get anonymous donations for Dr. D’s salary. There appears to be a holdup early in the parade. One of the participants was riding in an open convertible and apparently is having some car trouble. Yes, he is pushing the car to the side of the parade route. Why, that’s the Honorable Judge Jerome Jacobi.

NSBHM: “Hey, Lindon, I hope he knows a good mechanic (chuckle)! Rumor has it he got that car as a trade-in from the Jeffersonville clerk-treasurer (laughs out loud)! Hey, do you know why Peggy Wilder can never be considered as royalty? She doesn’t have a title (laughter)!”

Lindon: “That’s a good one NSBHM. The next float appears to be in keeping with the Christmas season and looks like a biblical theme. There’s David Abbott, president of the Clark County Council, dressed in Roman garb and a very large man opposite him ... I think that’s Judge Dan Moore.

“It’s the classic David versus Goliath story. But wait, No, Dan, in the Bible its David that’s throwing stones at Goliath. Oh, Well!

“I can hear David playing the lyre to the Don Mclean tune American Pie. Let’s listen in, “Bye-Bye, Miss Clark County Tax Pie, Wasn’t heavy on the levy, now the levy’s not high. The good ol’ boys now they barely get by, singing, The Rainy Day Funds have gone dryyyyyyyyyyy. I guess taxes will have to be raised sky high!”

NSBHM: “Playing the Lyre seems appropriate for a politician.”

Lindon: “Now we have a white limousine coming toward us. The limo has stopped and it’s local celebrity attorney Larry Wilder stepping out of it. He’s waving to the crowd.

“It looks like there are several other people inside the limousine. I hope they get out so we can see who was in the limo with him. Nope, he’s getting back in and shutting the door. I guess we will never know who was riding in that limo with Larry.”

NSBHM: “I hear he got trashed one night while out in a limo (laughs out loud)!”

Lindon: “That’s a good one Honest Mike. Never overlook the obvious one-liner. Coming right up it looks like the mayor’s float. He is standing in the middle of a moat, no, wait, that’s a canal. He’s literally walking on water. Is that Mike Moore dressed like a shark circling him?”

NSBHM: “Just like everything he does, it’s an illusion. He’s standing on a little island. I like to call it Galligan’s Island.”

Lindon: “I get it, like Gilligan’s Island. My computer spell-check always changes Galligan to Gilligan. I have to say Mayor Tom more resembles the Skipper.”

NSBHM: “Yes, and he has Larry ‘Dream Job’ Thomas as his little buddy and the assorted group of political castaways isolated from the general public. There’s Barbara Wilson as Ms. Howell; Ron Grooms as Thurston Howell III; and Connie Sellers is Marianne. Keith Fetz is the professor.

Lindon: “What about Ginger the movie star?”

NSBHM: “Well, with a wig, the right makeup and a complimenting dress on, Ed Z!”

Lindon: “I can’t believe you went there! There’s a mental image that will be hard to get out of my head.

“Here comes the soon to be ex-CFO of the Greater Clark, Frank Collesano. His float has a musical theme from “The Sound of Music.” There are miniature figurines of the school board trustees dressed as the kids in lederhosen. Frank is about to sing, ‘So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, good-bye!’

“I just got a note with one parade lineup change. Parade organizers never got a response back from Prosecutor Steve Stewart’s office as to their decision whether to enter a float.

“Our next entry is a man sitting alone late at night in his jockey shorts at a computer with a bag over his head. Why, I know that guy. It’s the unknown chatter administrator, Supermike — the brainchild behind Clark County Chatter.com.

NSBHM: “I’m sorry. I have to stand, remove my UAW ball cap and salute him as a great American!”

Lindon Dodd: “And now it’s time for the honorary grand marshal of this year’s Christmas Parade. Is that, yes, I think it is. It’s the world famous Rumpke trash can that was featured around the world on televisions and YouTube videos earlier this year.

“I have a note stating that it will be inducted in the trash can Hall-of-Fame alongside that belonging to the famous Oscar the Grouch on Sesame Street.

NSBHM: “Yeah, some of the Chatter folks wore a trash can on Halloween this year and went as a Jeffersonville attorney (hearty laugh). I have some stats. It’s a 75-gallon capacity with handles to allow for automatic tipping, and in a pinch it sleeps one comfortably! Hey, if an attorney is in a trash can is he practicing litter-gation? (hee-hee-hee)”

Lindon Dodd: “Pretty funny one there, NSBHM! That is a pretty scary idea, I mean, seeing an attorney at your door on Halloween!

“Well, speaking of litter, the cleanup has already begun along this year’s parade route and that just about wraps up another Annual Christmas Parade from Court Avenue. I think as usual the politicians were quite creative and entertaining again this year.

“Do you have any final words, Mr. Not Super Bust Honest Mike?”

NSBHM : “Look for continuing coverage of the political parade that is always ongoing in Clark County on Clark County Chatter.com where our motto is, “A little bit of innuendo goes a long way!”

Lindon: “And as always, from the Dodd household, Kim, Cameron and I wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas season!”



Lindon Dodd is an Otisco resident who is a freelance writer and can be reached at lindon.dodd@hotmail.com

  

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