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March 30, 2012

DODD: Heaven sent

> SOUTHERN INDIANA — Cawood — “Good evening, Cat fans and let me welcome you to a very special Final Four edition of the Big Blue Line from Heaven. This is old Cawood Ledford taking your calls. Go ahead first caller.”

Caller  — “Hello Cawood this is Mavis from Pikeville. I just wanted to take the time to honor the Heavenly UK trinity; Adolph Rupp, Cawood Ledford and Richie Farmer.”

Cawood — “Mavis, Richie Farmer is still alive and healthy — living in the Commonwealth.”

Mavis — “In that case, how many points do you think Richie will score on Saturday? Go Big Blue!”

Cawood — “Go ahead next caller; you’re on the Big Blue Line.”

Caller — “Cawood, do you think the Cats will repeat again next year as NCAA Champions? Go Big Blue!”

Cawood — “Well, we have to play a couple of more games this weekend before we can claim a title. Next caller, you’re on the air.”

Caller — “Cawood, I am calling from a cell phone as my trailer burned down last weekend shortly after the Baylor game.”

Cawood — “I’m sorry caller. Do they know what caused the fire?”

Caller — “Well, yes, Cawood. I was watching people burning couches in Lexington so I decided to burn my old one on the front porch. We’re OK though as we salvaged the dog house out back and put our satellite dish on top of it so we are good for Saturday’s game. I did want to ask if you think we will beat Louisville by 30 this Saturday — Go Big Blue.”

Cawood — “I don’t think we need to get into point spread predictions. Any score will be a good one with the Cats on top at the buzzer.”

Caller — “Hey Cawood, do you know why Rick Pitino, the coach of the Loserville Cardinals couldn’t be the president of a bank. Because if they wuz robbed he wouldn’t let the guard shoot.”

Cawood — “Why, I recognize that voice and that recycled old joke out of Lexington. Is this Joe B Hall?”

Hall — “Yes it is. (Muffled voice heard in background cursing Pitino). “Quiet, Denzil, I’m on the air!”

Cawood — “It’s always great to hear from you Coach Hall. We have our next caller — you’re on the Big Blue line.”

Caller — “That Calipari is nothing but a big cheater who doesn’t play by the rules.”

Cawood — “Coach Pitino — is that you?”

Caller — “Uh, well, er, no.! (Sound of phone disconnecting and a dial tone).

Cawood — “Go ahead caller; you’re up next on the Big Blue Line.”

Caller — “I would rather have a coach that bends a rule every now and then than to have a womanizing, two-faced traitor without any school loyalty ...”

Cawood — “Coach Cal, is that you?”

Caller — “Uh, er no.! (Sound of phone disconnecting and dial tone).

Cawood — “Next caller, you are on the Big Blue Line.”

Caller — “How about the season the Purdue Boilermakers had this year?”

Cawood — “Big Bill Scott — what are you doing on this show? Go ahead caller; you’re on the Big Blue Line.”

Caller — “Cawood, I just wanted to let you know I finally achieved my life’s goal and I am the first in line for this year’s Midnight Madness practice. Will they put a porta-potty up anytime soon? Go Big Blue.”

Cawood — “I think we have another caller, go ahead, you are on the Big Blue Line.”

Caller — “Cawood, in our house if our son says the word Pitino we wash little Adolph Pelphrey Richie Robey’s  mouth out with soap same as if he said those Biblical swear words. Do you think Anthony Davis is better than Michael Jordan?” Go Big Blue.”

Cawood — “Anthony is a great freshman but I don’t think we can compare him to the greatness of Michael Jordan just yet. Go ahead caller.”

Mavis — “Cawood, do you think Richie Farmer was as good as Michael Jordan? Go Big Blue.”

Cawood — “Mavis I guess that is just an opinion. We have time for one more caller. You’re on the Big Blue Line.”

Caller — “Cawood in case Ricky Pitiner is still listening I would like to reach out a healing hand and invite him over to my house. I am saving him a special seat on my porch — on the couch — a hot seat.  Go Big Blue!”

Cawood — “You might want to take that couch off of the porch first. It’s almost time to tip it off in New Orleans. Stay tuned after the game for the Big Blue Post Game show from Heaven.”

— Lindon Dodd is a freelance writer who lives in Otisco and can be reached at lindon.dodd@hotmail.com.

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