News and Tribune

May 25, 2013

DODD: Graduating? Take my advice

By LINDON DODD
Local columnist

— It’s that time of year for the tassels to be turned and for the caps to be tossed into the air. And since nobody has ever asked me to deliver a commencement address, it’s also time for my annual (although I took last year off for some unknown reason) unsolicited advice to the graduates column.

Here’s what I have for you graduates:

• The last bite of ice cream is never as completely satisfying as the very first bite.

• Anyone can learn to teach but some people are born to be teachers.

• You will never learn everything that you don’t know.

• There’s no such thing as good music or bad music — there’s only music you like and music you don’t like.

• Sometimes you have to talk ignorant to be understood.

• Almost anything that you take for granted will eventually be gone.

• The only thing you can’t be in life is young again.

• The other guy is just like you.

• Having sex without love is like committing a crime where the possible repercussion is from 15 seconds to life.

• It has been determined that you are going to die but only you will determine how much you will live.

• Life is a routine of the ordinary occasionally interrupted by the extraordinary.

• It’s not as hard as you think but you can make it much harder.

• The vast and overwhelming problems in life are man made.

• Whatever you do to that makes today enjoyable will be your future good old days.

• You can see a whole lot of God in a waterfall.

• Politics is stranger than truth or fiction.

• Lust is to love as dessert is to nutrition.

• It’s almost impossible to teach someone how to whistle.

• Don’t ever expect a very young child to lie or keep a secret.

• Life is not fair today nor will it be tomorrow or next week.

• You’re not a banjo player unless you can play “Foggy Mountain Breakdown!”

• Some of the most difficult parenting times can be made simpler with a hug, a kiss and cookies and milk.

• There was never a test that could accurately determine the amount of knowledge one has acquired in school or in life.

• When someone asks “How are you?” there’s a better chance than not that it was a rhetorical question.

• When used in its proper context, if someone says you are ignorant about something it is neither an insult nor a compliment.

• It was a businessman who gave us the bakery and doughnuts. It was a marketing genius who sold us doughnuts holes.

• There is very little absolute truth but life is plum full of absolute lies.

• You will never be the smartest or the dumbest person you know.

• There is very little reward in life for just showing up.

• No drug has ever circulated that makes life go away for long — but there are some that can make it go away for good.

• I have never had an elderly person tell me their life went by so slow.

• There really is a lot to learn.

• Even the people whom you respect and trust the most can upon occasion be wrong.

• You will never be as wrong as some people will lead you to believe nor as right as you will believe you are.

• Before you can forgive others you have to be able to forgive yourself.

• If you ever had two best friends, you should understand politics.

• The best way to get even is simply to let it go.

• There is every possibility that you probably will not at first succeed. It’s called WD-40 because it was the 40th attempt in the lab to have a successful lubricant.

• You can discount almost anything that is prefaced by the words, “Somebody said.”

• To be afraid to die is to also mean being afraid to live.

• For somebody, the impossible happens almost every day.

• Most of the times when you feel a sudden urge you should ignore it.

• The very best moment in life can never be expressed better than with a baby’s laughter.

• You can make the world you experience as large or as small as you want it to be.

• Everybody likes to be around a pleasant person.

• A sense of humor is an essential element to making sense of any of it.

• If you have to figure out love then you are not in it.

• Life is a game of chance. Take as many chances as you can.

• Death is life’s final exam.

— Lindon Dodd is a freelance writer who can be reached at lindon.dodd@hotmail.com