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December 8, 2012

DODD: Annual holiday parade rolls by

Lindon Dodd — “Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, and welcome to the annual Jeffersonville Christmas Parade on Court Avenue from our viewing stand just across the street from Warder Park. Parking space has been an issue this afternoon since the Clark County Wellness Center seems to having some kind of going-out-of-business pill special this weekend.

Despite being a rainy afternoon, a large and hearty crowd has lined up along the parade route. I am waiting for my co-host to arrive on the platform and I hear some commotion. Yes, I hear the music and the Honorable Jeffersonville Mayor Mike Moore is making his way up the steps. “Hello, Mr. Mayor! What’s with the boom box?”

Mayor Moore — “Lindon, it’s playing my theme song, you know, Hail to the Chief!”

Lindon — “Uh, sir, that’s usually reserved for the President of The United States. Anyway, what’s with the shiny Richard Simmons pants and the tank top?”

Moore — “Sorry, I just came from my Jazzercise class and didn’t have time to change. Before that I was at the gym; lifting weights. Look at those guns. Feel them. “

Lindon — “I really want to feel your, um, guns, sir. I must apologize for not being given the line-up for this year’s floats. I will have to figure them out as they pass by me. Here comes the first one. It looks like the Clark County Commissioners entry. I see outgoing Commissioners Les Young and Ed Meyer. I was just told that John Perkins couldn’t make it because he had an appointment. I know you worked with both of them as a commissioner yourself. I guess you have some mixed feelings about their political defeats?”

Moore — “NA-NA-NA-NA, NA-NA-NA-NA, HEY-HEY-HEY ... GOODBYE.”

Lindon — “Good to see there are no hard feelings, mayor. The next float coming into view is the Greater Clark County Schools board. They are dressed up in their caroling choir robes. Let’s listen in to their version of “Let It Snow, let it snow, let it snow;

“The Jeff High culture was shifting,

With no charges for shoplifting,

He had discipline under control,

Jim must go, Jim must go, Jim must go!

When the GPA was dragging,

He said no more pants a-sagging,

Momentum; it wasn’t slow,

Jim must go, Jim must go, Jim must go!

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