Published: December 19, 2006 03:46 pm            

VALVANO: Fines don't make sense for sports parents

I am closing in on 9 years as a full time “media member” (don't hate me). I coached for two decades before that, and played sports until I was 21 at the scholastic and collegiate level. In short, I've been around the block.

So perhaps I should be refreshed when I see things that dumbfound me. How nice to be surprised at my age!

But I find my reaction is more of disappointment.

If you are just joining us let me bring you up to date. My first column in this space some two months ago lamented that we seem to be screwing up sports disastrously, and it starts largely at the youth level. I hate to say “with some notable exceptions” because then everyone assumes I am talking about someone else, and frequently the problem is a lot closer to home, like in the mirror.

By and large I think there is way too much emphasis, at a far too young age, on trophies and winning, on “select” travel teams, with little or no accountability to anyone other than themselves; in forcing kids to specialize in one sport against their wishes, in over administration by the adults, and in too frequently the abuse of power by those adults who 'steer” the team and league for their own personal motives.

Even well-intentioned ideas are reinforcing the wrong message. Here is the example I found out recently that triggered my surprise as I started writing this column. I learned of a team where if a parent misses a sporting event of his son’s team, the team fines the parent! I have never heard of such a thing and frankly, it is absurd.

Here is why: Fines are for professional athletes. These are kids, and even though we want more and more to treat them like “mini-pros” the simple term “fine” has no place in youth sports. (Nor does giving your kid a dollar for a goal, or a sack, or anything else in playing the game. You are setting a dangerous precedent, and helping youth sports fail in one important objective. They are there to instill a love and respect for the game, and for the participants in it. A goal equals a dollar undermines that very message.)

But more than that, penalties assigned by teams are for the participants, for those essential to the game, the event. If you love your child, and want to be there for the game, terrific! I enjoy watching my sons play too but the game is not for me, it is for the child, even the high school aged child. As such, I do not have to be there The players, coaches, referees and administrators do. I don't. You don't.

Now I should and you should help the team in whatever activities are needed — administrative chores, necessary fundraisers, etc. That is being a parent, which is what our role should be but not as “season ticket” holders, or worse “vicarious” participants.

I enjoyed when I had my parents at my games. But I never once felt slighted when they weren't there. My father told me very early on, “Son, I will support whatever you choose to do, as long as it is decent and honorable. I want you to succeed and will help you in any way that is reasonable. BUT if you are playing the game for your mother and me, then you are playing for the wrong reasons. It is for you, and your teammates; for their development and frankly, for fun! If you're playing for any other reason, you need to look at your priorities.”

I did then, and do now and don't like what I see.

Since I wrote that column, dozens of you, in person and via e-mail, have shared your thoughts. A select few fit the bill of “you're not talking to me” even though I suspect I am. But the majority seemed to shout, “Hooray! Someone is writing what I have suspected for years.” And then they went on to give me tales, both local and national, of a parent who funds the entire team, and then hides behind the title of “assistant” coach, to pressure the head coach into decisions that best serve his son — even if they don't best serve the team. Or there’s the father who created a whole football league, serves as commissioner, and then fired his son's coach because he played him one play on offense. His rationale? Not only that his son play “every play in every game” on defense only, but that “this league exists for (his son) to just play defense.”

Not only is this morally indefensible, it flies in the face of logic, short term or long term. The message that every player places the good of the team above self, evidently doesn't adhere to his son. If it would help the team to play offense, too bad. Self first, team second. Long term it is just dumb.

How do I know? Every morning I share a radio studio with Will Wolford, who you may remember was an All-Pro offensive lineman with the Colts, Bills and Steelers. He played in three super bowls. Got a full scholarship to Vanderbilt University. At one time, was featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated as the highest paid offensive lineman in the NFL.

Did I mention he played defense…in high school?

Maybe we don't really know at 10 years old what the future of all these kids holds, do we? Maybe we need to step back and be more parents, less fans.

Miss a game once in a while if you have to. No penalty.



Bob Valvano is an ESPN radio host of The V Show with Bob Valvano. He also serves as analyst for University of Louisville basketball telecasts. Valvano coached basketball for 19 seasons before entering broadcasting full time. Valvano’s last season on the sidelines saw him guide Bellarmine College to its 10th winningest season and a No. 25 power rating in Division II. He is the author of a well-received biography about his brother Jim, “The Gifts of Jimmy V,” and is an in-demand motivational speaker who has delivered his theme of “Making a Difference” to more than 200 schools and businesses across the country. The younger brother of Jim Valvano, Bob serves on the Board of Directors of both the V Foundation for Cancer Research, and Kosair Childrens Hospital Foundation. Valvano is married with two children and lives in Sellersburg.

        

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