President Trump recently tweeted Mette Frederiksen, the prime minister of Denmark, asking if she was interested making a real estate deal. Denmark owns Greenland, a huge island up near the north pole, and our president asked if he could buy it. Many Americans and Europeans laughed out loud, but we should have learned by now never to sell Donald Trump short. He’s thinks ahead into the vast future with extraordinary vision, something our best thinkers never did. His critics must admit that he’s never boring, as is Joe Biden.
Unfortunately, the Denmark prime minister tweeted back, “Thanks, but no thanks, it’s not for sale.” The president responded, she’s “nasty,” but that’s the way life goes these days. Another brilliant idea down into the depths of nowhere. Greenland is not all that green, maybe enough on which to build a couple of golf courses. The 57,000 people living there, with no means of getting out, but they do have one nine-hole golf course open four months each year due to Greenland turning white in winter. If you go there on vacation, take orange golf balls with you.
Greenlanders probably don’t like outer civilization anyway. For instance, officials here have never determined where Hillary Clinton sent her 30,000 emails. On top of that, a dozen vague Democrats think they can take Donald Trump’s place. What a joke.
If we ever buy Greenland, change the name to Greatland, to entice migrants there. Thinking ahead, many disgruntled Americans are fed up with the swamp in Washington. Then pay their way to Greatland, where they could become entrepreneurs, mining coal, uranium and other minerals buried in the tundra.
One other major problem could be resolved. Forget the wall at the southern border. Criminals, rapists and children wanting a better life could be shipped to Greatland and find jobs waiting for them. They could work in coal mines to stay warm or other hard jobs like our slaves did before emancipation. Within a few years, they’d be sending steep taxes to Washington like you do, unless you have crooked lawyers and accountants.
A second Statue of Liberty could be erected on the Greatland shore to welcome the downtrodden. Think of all the unwanted riffraff that would move to a new land opportunity. Since “all men are created equal,” it includes the down and out, too. The present mainstream of progress is drowning them. Elite citizens here start at $2,000 per hour. And it doesn’t take long for equality to become lop-sided.
If Greenland becomes available, and Congress won’t buy it, Donald Trump should. Although he keeps his personal financial life a deep, dark secret, he does have a way with money, a seemingly endless flow. But Congress doesn’t know how to take him. He has a knack for confusing them. Republicans are keeping their mouths shut while Democrats become nuttier than they ever were before.
Can you take 10 more months of this uncertainty and craziness, waiting for the results of the 2020 election? It’s become a mental health thing. One other thing, Greatland, as a kind of subsidiary state, could conduct stricter background checks if they wanted to. It might hurt their economy, buying more guns than food, but do what’s right. To sleep at night is a right, too. Putting people over politics has never been attempted before. Why not give it a shot?
Wait! Congress is on a much-needed vacation and candidates have money to raise. The more money the merrier to lock-in victory — over a land that started out free. There will never be a Greatland until all its people have an equal chance.
Obviously, all the above is utterly absurd. And your life probably is, too. If you have a clue as to what sanity is, tweet it far and wide. That’s what Trump and Denmark did. Has tweeting become the law? It has unless the power of the common people set the Tweeter-in-Chief straight and the NRA czar, too. It’s up to all life-loving folks.
It’s a matter of reuniting amidst an ocean-wide division. It’s a matter of using good common sense and a rediscovery of what humanity and morality is. We can’t continue buying and selling each other.
The president is full of ideas, some better than others, but don’t fault him from wanting to buy other countries. It’s better than tariffing them to death.
The president and I do have one thing in common. Neither of us ever gives up. I suggest he take a good look at Iceland.
— Contact Terry Cummins at TLCTLC@AOL.com.