“I know it when I see it.”

— Justice Potter Stewart, when writing about defining obscenity in a Supreme Court opinion.

I probably sent a porn video to about 1,000 people last week. I didn’t get to see it myself, so I am not even sure if it was good porn or not. I will unequivocally state for the record that under no circumstance, whether good porn or bad, would I ever consciously send out porn videos to a thousand of my closest friends.

And I strongly suspect that the porn being sent from my Facebook Messenger is directly related to the fact that my Saturday column was not being run until the Tuesday edition of the newspaper.

You see my Facebook account was hacked last week. If you have never had your Facebook account totally hacked, you have no idea of the madness that can emerge into your life seemingly out of nowhere. My girlfriend and I were actually sitting on the bed when the results of the hacking began to take the form of contacting my Facebook friends. It all started rather innocently when she looked at me with a touch of irritation on her face. “Why did you send me a video?”

I instinctively and immediately denied sending her a video and she promptly showed me the video that I had just sent to her. I have to admit right before she checked her phone I had heard that familiar ding of the receipt of a message on her phone. She had checked and sure enough there was a video I had not sent her that had been sent to her by me on her phone. She is way more computer savvy than me, so she immediately surmised, “Your phone has been hacked!”

I can assure you that her asking me about a video being sent to her phone was just the beginning of my having to respond to dozens of inquiries about my alleged telephone porn video. People I hadn’t personally corresponded with since high school suddenly were sending me Facebook messages so quickly, I couldn’t respond quick enough to address all the concerns personally.

You must realize that since nobody had been able to open the video, or at least had not opened it and informed me that it was in fact video porn, the most common response or inquiry I was getting from my Facebook friends was simply, “I can’t open your video. What did you send me?”

After sending a few “Don’t open it I have been hacked!” personal messages I went to my main Facebook page and posted a warning to everybody who was still awake at that rather late hour on a work night.

It was sometime around then that someone apparently had been able to open what was in fact a porn video. Suddenly the seemingly polite responses were becoming a bit less friendly and some were asking in their message, “Lindon, why did you send me a porn video?”

Now the inference was along the lines of me “sexting” innocent people with porn. Since I was hacked, anyone who might have clicked on whatever was sent would also possibly be the victim of having their computer hacked. And a few were a bit more than a little hacked off about the whole thing.

This prelude actually leads to why I believe my column last week ran a bit later than the normal weekend publishing. I sent my column in as usual on Thursday. I went to look at the layout of the column in the Saturday/Sunday newspaper and was a bit surprised to see the e-mail from my editor about not getting a submission. I send the column in from my ancient hotmail account that I don’t necessarily check every day. It was seven submissions from two different computers later that she asked for me to send it to her Gmail account.

The column went right through on Monday via Gmail. She and I kind of figured out that since porn was being sent from my computer that I didn’t send but was the result of being hacked, the spyware on the newspaper server was blocking me.

I guess when I was thinking about computer porn videos, I had a thought about the infamously “leaked” sex tape videos which were once all the rage and the very reason we have a phenomenon known as the Kardsahians.

I don’t figure I will get my own reality show and get fabulously wealthy and famous from my unintentional foray into video hacking porn. And this column comes with a warning to be extra careful about what you open, even if it comes from a lifelong friend from high school.

To any of my friends who did open and viewed the video, I am sorry. To those of you who wanted to open a porn video to view it but couldn’t, I guess I apologize to you as well.

— Lindon Dodd is a freelance writer who can be reached at lindon.dodd@hotmail.com.